there IS such thing as TOO MANY fish in the sea.

The following entry is the result of my unplanned hiatus, as well as the utter mushy mass of a brain I was left with, after unsuccessfully designing a logo for myself! ENJOY.

I understand that my words will inevitably go unseen, neglected, hiding behind the link on whatever social media profile of mine brought you here, skimmed over at best, and that doesn't sit well with me at all. In fact, it terrifies me, makes me want to shrivel up into a little ball and sob. However, here I come with yet another rambling stream of silly thoughts and sentiments, typed out from my couch, all while listening to Nutshell by Alice in Chains, among other less crushing songs! 

I've got a question to ask all of you brave soldiers who put yourselves out there in the dating scene, but ESPECIALLY those of you who have walked through the gates of hell that guard Bumble and Hinge. 

Do these particular spaces make you want to chuck your phone at the wall? If your answer is yes, I'm with you, OH BOY I am with you; alternatively though, if your answer was a deeply confused "Huh...no?", what is your secret? HOW do you manage to swipe through all of Los Angeles' most finest and eligible skaters, surfers, film students, the occasional transplant, and OH, the pick me boys, without burning out? I'll answer for you, it is virtually impossible. Unless human interactions don't faze you, or perhaps you're only in it for a physical encounter, these tricky little apps WILL suck the life out of you. 

I mean. My "Moves Making Impact" section, which I have set to support Human Rights reads as follows: 

           "You've made 7733 first moves to support your cause and 7733 since you joined Bumble - thanks for all your help!"

You've made 7733 first moves

So, riddle me this: how come out of 7733 human beings that I have reached out to, and even held decent conversations with, in some occasions made playlists for, or perhaps gone out on a date with// not a SINGLE ONE has stuck around. TRULY stuck around, you know, in the way that those people you read about on Twitter, who find the love of their life through a post made in an attempt to vent and scream into the void in a satyrical dating resume form. Yes, I speak of @trycypress and @MCMCD_ , you beautiful lucky bastards, I envy you in the dearest of ways.  I must confess, that I just keep on shaking my head on impulse, as I type out words I did not expect to ever admit, but in the spirit of confessing my deepest darkest secrets and coming clean about the true state of my emotional wellbeing, in face of having a 00.000% success rate, I am about to write something that I am planning on never deleting. You'll see, in the next few days, or perhaps even tonight, but you'll just know it when you see it. 

Some things DO last a long time, Daniel Johnston is absolutely correct in saying that. Loneliness isn't discarded as one of those things, in fact, I believe it to be a state of being that can haunt you, follow you around, lurking in the corner of that room full of people where you're sat poking at the food on your plate.

Too niche? Quite frankly I don't feel like wrapping up this post, simply because I haven't reached a conclusion just yet, and I really just NEED to get this off my chest.

Until next time...